The Curried Half of the Equation..

The MIL is angry that we refused her order to go visit FIL at the hospital yesterday.  In her world it is perfectly acceptable to call up your adult children and order them to do things or go places. It's been a continuous problem. I thought that things were turning around after we made a few comments (gentle teasing..) of are you asking or telling?? But it seems she has reverted to her old and wretched ways. 

She also keeps showing up at my house unannounced.  This drives me batty. She is completely thick and will not take all of the millions of hints I have given about how we would really appreciate a fucking phone call before coming over. 

I am a big reader of a certain Dealing With The Inlaws forum. They preach tough love on those forums, and would hand me my ass on a platter with a big giant can of coward on the side.

These ladies would tell me: Confront your MIL. If she shows up unannounced do not let her in. Explain to her in a sit down that under no circumstances is she to tell or demand that we do anything. 

I just wish I knew how much of our problems stem from cultural differences and how much is just standard MIL crap. I do know that in India you pretty much do what your MIL wants, elder respect and all that shit. But Hello.. this is Canada, welcome, bonjour! You've lived here almost 30 years!  Your son picked a white girl!  

She had such a full on hate of me for so long, and I was so determined to 'get along' that I have pretty much never properly stood up to her. And after years of being with DaddyBug it's become a very destructive habit to try and avoid causing waves with her.  She is so used to ordering everyone around and getting her own way that when she is thwarted she resorts instantly to tears and sulking. 

I know that I need to grow some balls and have a talk with her. But how do you sit down and basically attack someone on many things they do while they are still dealing with the continuing intense care of their husband who is still in the hospital and has been through hell and back over the last 8 months??? 

Either way.. I never used to be a doormat and I need to stop acting like one before it becomes a habit in the rest of my life. 

Someone.. just lend me a pair for a day or two?