Irony.

There is a movie on tv right now, about an Indian family living in Canada, the main character has the same name as DaddyBug. In the movie this guy fell in love with *gasp* a WHITE girl!! And his Mommy Dearest has a panic attack and says many mean things about those horrible white people in general.

Deja Vu?

My MIL also likes to say things about 'those people'. She's been in Canada for 26 years and still talks about us white folks as 'those people'.   As in "well you know how those people are regarding _______". Babies before marriage, divorce, premarital sex, low income.. pretty much anything you can think of has nothing to do with the families and the individual people themselves, it can all be lumped into one simple phrase... "Those people." 

One of her biggest freak-outs when we told her we were pregnant was because people in town were going to think badly of her and we were going to embarrass her. And we must get married right now!  Because it's fine for 'those people' to have babies without being married, but they're better then 'those people'.

That's a direct quote out of MIL's mouth passed on to me via DaddyBug peeps.

For the record, noone in town batted an eye.

She also likes to go off on tangents about 'The Chinese, and The Koreans" because according to her, every single person of those race's are out to rip you off. 

And I'm always the disrespectful DIL (or Daughter Out of Law really lol) and make a comment along the lines of "not everyone in ______ minority group fits a freaking stereotype!!!) and she lets it fall off like water by saying "well no, but most of them.)

So I guess I can feel a little mollified that her racism and bigotry is spread around the board to most groups that simply arn't Indian. But I still find it disgusting. 

Now I realize as a white girl living in Canada I'm treading a turbulent river by even daring to call out other people for racism, but I am consistently baffled on why it is considered OK for someone in a minority group to bash people in a different minority group. And unfortunately such bigotry has seeped into DaddyBug's subconscious, as he's been known to make snap racist judgments on people too. It's a constant source of contention for us. 

So between snarking at my Dad's family for their derogative comments (If I hear my dad say the word 'chink' one more time... *head explodes*), snarking at DaddyBug.. and occasionally snipping at MIL, I am a busy busy grasshopper some days. 

And a cranky grasshopper, because such talk pisses me off.  And it stresses me out, because I am the mother of a bi-racial child, and every time I hear MIL make rude comments about 'those people' I think of how this is going to affect my daughter, because half of her family is 'those people' , SHE is half white.  I don't want her feeling like she has to deny her white family when she's around MIL, I want my daughter to accept and be happy with the fact that she is indian.. AND she is white. But irregardless, what she is primarily is just.. Canadian. I know from my research that bi-racial children tread a fine line in their lives about knowing where to belong, are they this.. or are they that.. and is it okay to be both without betraying either? 

It does not need to be made worse by my little girl having it in her head that "MIL will only love me if I try to be as Indian as possible". Someday.. I will have to sit MIL and have a chat about that, because if she is going to be a toxic influence on my daughter's self image.. she will be cut out. 

I hope someday that we can all just be Canadian.. or American.. and drop this division amongst ourselves.  Oh how i hope. But until then I'll continue being a little grasshopper on shoulders, poking and proding, and trying to raise my daughter to the best of my ability.

Woo VDay Feel the Commercialism Peeps!

So guess what day it is tomorrow? Hope you've bought your required and unromantic yearly gesture of consumerism.  Or.. follow the demands of the DeBeers Commercial and buy DIAMONDS. Remember your wife will only love you with yearly expensive gifts.

I'm just guessing, but somehow I think that VDay gifts this year are going to be a lot more along the lines of say.. dinner.. or a box of chocolates a la Forrest Gump. 

I know that I'm getting a card because D.B mysteriously vanished uptown in the Suzuki while BabyBug and I were showing. Probably shouldn't spend 5 bucks on a card right now.. but eh.. he's just trying to be sweet, he knows I'm a little sad that we can't go to the event at the lounge. 

A Girls entitled to a little pouting though, the event involved a dinner (appy, main course, dessert) and entertainment! 40 minutes of standup comedy, something lame during intermission, and then a 1 hour adult magic show!  The child in me still gets all excited thinking 'oooo illusions!' But the tickets are 40 dollars a plate. So we are staying home tomorrow. 

Having VDay with the family yo. D.B is cooking dinner, which is a very cool and rare event. He's even a great cook to boot. So I feel lucky. I'm thinking of doing something extra nice for him, involving a certain red silk lingerie I own and the fireplace downstairs.. the inner cynic in my head cringes and says "Noooo C.G you foolish woman that's playing right into the goddamn VDay stereotypes!!" But yaknow, sometimes being a little bit cliche once in a while is okay, especially when it's all in good fun.

The Curried Half of the Equation..

The MIL is angry that we refused her order to go visit FIL at the hospital yesterday.  In her world it is perfectly acceptable to call up your adult children and order them to do things or go places. It's been a continuous problem. I thought that things were turning around after we made a few comments (gentle teasing..) of are you asking or telling?? But it seems she has reverted to her old and wretched ways. 

She also keeps showing up at my house unannounced.  This drives me batty. She is completely thick and will not take all of the millions of hints I have given about how we would really appreciate a fucking phone call before coming over. 

I am a big reader of a certain Dealing With The Inlaws forum. They preach tough love on those forums, and would hand me my ass on a platter with a big giant can of coward on the side.

These ladies would tell me: Confront your MIL. If she shows up unannounced do not let her in. Explain to her in a sit down that under no circumstances is she to tell or demand that we do anything. 

I just wish I knew how much of our problems stem from cultural differences and how much is just standard MIL crap. I do know that in India you pretty much do what your MIL wants, elder respect and all that shit. But Hello.. this is Canada, welcome, bonjour! You've lived here almost 30 years!  Your son picked a white girl!  

She had such a full on hate of me for so long, and I was so determined to 'get along' that I have pretty much never properly stood up to her. And after years of being with DaddyBug it's become a very destructive habit to try and avoid causing waves with her.  She is so used to ordering everyone around and getting her own way that when she is thwarted she resorts instantly to tears and sulking. 

I know that I need to grow some balls and have a talk with her. But how do you sit down and basically attack someone on many things they do while they are still dealing with the continuing intense care of their husband who is still in the hospital and has been through hell and back over the last 8 months??? 

Either way.. I never used to be a doormat and I need to stop acting like one before it becomes a habit in the rest of my life. 

Someone.. just lend me a pair for a day or two?

A giggle a day..

As both of her parents are getting frazzled and stressed from the current situation, Baby Bug is unaware of the politics going on in the house and is continuing to be her sweet radiant self. She tackles us with giggles and teases us with shrieks and squeals of delight as we play and cavort through the thickening air.  She trots over to me and with a toss of her arms demands "Mup!" which Daddybug realized is a cute blend of Mum and Up.  

Just when we are about to become too mired in the practicalities of finding a way to ride this storm out, BabyBug busts into the moment and distracting us fills our thoughts with grins of delight, cherishing this sweet little person. It's such a contradiction, we are stressing more because now we have BabyBug to worry about, but at the same time she absolutely prevents us from focusing on the bad all the time. 

We are formulating a plan, and looking into our options. I am seeking out cheap menu ideas while I challenge myself to see what I can do with the ingredients in the house with very minimal spending to supplement.  We may take on a border for a while. I may get a job. 

It'll work out. Always does. 

A question of Dollars

Daddy Bug has been informed that although he is an Electrical Apprentice he is also an employee of the mine and therefore also restricted by the new overtime rules. Which basically boils down to no longer showing up for overtime whenever he feels like it, and there is now a sign up sheet that you can put your name on in the hopes that one of the crews will give you a call and let you come in for extra hours.

This is a very bad thing. We bought the house knowing money would be very tight; how could it not after taking a rather large pay cut to become an apprentice? But it seemed doable as long as Daddy Bug worked some overtime.  We are officially up the creek people.  With christmas, him having a few sick days, missing a day from lack of a ride and switching back to 4 and 4 shifts, the last few cheques have been meager as it was, I've been doing the bill juggle and it's stressing me out and pissing off the utility companies. 

I've never had to do this. I thought I was good with money, smug about it really.  It was so easy living on my own, it was a breeze paying the bills and rent. I could cook whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. Sales? Pah who waited for a sale on meat when I wanted to cook blahblahwhatever today?

Ummm hello C.G you were working in a bar, in a booming town. The main bar. And double hello you were a good fucking server girl so yeah you worked it and made ridiculous tips. Of course you could piss off to the next city all the time and smack down 600 bucks in a day and not bat an eye.

Obviously life is a bit different now, single income + family + chick who's used to having enough money for whatever = major trouble peeps. In the years I've lived on my own I've become a total food snob, used to tripping up to the store to lay down 30 or 40 dollars on spices and ingredients I don't use all the time to try out random recipes off the 'net. I don't know how to cook cheap meals . Literally. No Fucking Clue.  Another problem is I'm used to major flavour in food, and in my experience cheap meals are usually bland. Or horribly horribly unhealthy. Or *cringe* both.  

I need to make a plan. Obviously I need to do some budgeting to find out if we can even get by without overtime. If we can and it leaves very little money for food then I clearly need to either start living on kraft dinner some days, find cheap meals to make that arn't revolting. Possibly try and suck it up even if they are kind of revolting. Or.. and this option is the best in my opinion; find a way to bring some money into the house. 

Damnit. Fucking sucks being a grownup sometimes.

An Ode To Sleep

Dear Sleep;

You Rule my house. You Dictate the enjoyment we all achieve throughout the day, this is usually chosen by how much you decide to visit Baby Bug. And I have to say, Sleep that you were especially cheap on the nap front yesterday. C'mon Sleep 15 minute naps? No one year old can function on a half hour of shut eye throughout the day. Yeah I know teething blah blah. I still think you were being cheap. And I know that usually once you've decided to scrimp on dear Baby Bug that it becomes this awful revolving door, she gets whiny and you bail out on her at night too. 

So Sleep I have to commend you on your awesomeness last night. Now I realize that the kindness you bestowed upon us was probably a giant lump of starry pity.  But at 5 am this is accepted as a simple generous act. Baby Bug only waking up twice? Oh that was lovely, can we please have a repeat of this tonight? Pretty Please?

Thankyou Ever So Much,

C.G

Oh snuggle puppy you're so fine!

For a while Snuggle Puppy by Sandra Boynton  was our most very favorite book, followed by The Belly Button Book. Then Baby Bug discovered books with real pictures. Thus ended our courtship with decent books for a time. 

For ages we've been reading a never ending revolving due of books comprised of Happy Baby 1,2,3 and a random Koala book from a dear Aussie friend. The counting book is fun enough because she gets excited at finding the babies (bay!) the kitties (kee or Keedy) and the puppies (kee or puh!)  But the Koala book is a badly written hack job of a novel that hurts my unfortunate brain with it's clashing phrases time and time again. But Baby Bug loved it.  All other books were pushed to the side for this new love, I was left to pout over the unfortunate circumstances that were preventing me from upgrading our library of real picture board books beyond two.

But this morning  she remembered her love of the Snuggle Puppy book and we read it 3 times in a row. Alright we sang it because it's really a song. But it so made my day.

Baby Bug tries to sing now, if I'm snuggling alright, rocking I admit it her before bed singing lullabies she tries to hum the tune, it's adorable. Today she kept starting me off on another line of Snuggle Puppy by humming hummmnnn.  Way to melt my heart kid. 

Also: why has no one told me the awesomeness of the extra cheesy goldfish crackers?? They are a million times yummier then the plain regular cheese fish.  I need to stop eating them. Seriously.