Le Sigh

So today despite what I wanted to do, we went to MIL's for a visit, that as always turned into dinner. It went fine all things considering. She isn't horrible always, she can be quite nice and generous when she's in the mood for it, our main problem is P/A comments and her annoying habit of ordering us around.

However, Daddybug was feeling charitable and made an insanely foolish comment. MIL whisks the kid away down the hallway, coming back with a toy out of SIL's room. MIL comments on how Babybug pointed up at the dozens of teddy's hanging from the ceiling and Daddybug says... "Oh that's where you'll have sleepovers with your Booji (Aunty) someday, that's where you'll sleep when you have sleepovers with Biji(Grandma) ... yeah someday you'll have sleepovers!"

*head bang*

Thus opening the road to future whining along the lines of "but you said she'd sleep here someday" Because she really is the type to take that inane little conversation, catalogue it away and hold it against us forever more.

And while I suppose it's eventually possible that MIL will be granted a miraculous overnight visit, I at the moment cannot fathom how I will achieve the comfort level to grant such a thing. I suppose it'll happen when I'm not worried about her bad mouthing me in my child's presence, (she was busted doing this exact thing about her SIL with her Niece staying over) and when she's of an age where a whole grape and a cashew are no longer dangerous.

MIL, Children with 6 teeth cannot eat nuts, not any nuts at all, ever, unless in spreadable paste like peanut butter. And whole grapes are a squishy choking hazard. DUH.

Bah. And the other worst moment of the evening:

MIL turns to me and says "Bring her over for an afternoon some day, leave her with me so we can see how she does. So she can get used to me, yes an afternoon some time."

*crickets chirping*

She told me to do this, there was not the slightest suggestion of it being an offer or a request. This was an order. Give me the child unsupervised because supervised visits are not good enough.

I left Babybug with her once, at DH's request. I felt horrible about it, didn't want to do it, leaving was hard. I do not have this problem with my parents so I wasn't sure if it was Mommy Instincts or just a personal bias showing through, so I did it. And MIL lasted until BabyBug needed a nap, couldn't get her to settle, and called me to save the day.

That was the first and only time she's had the kid to herself. She keeps destroying chances of a future alone visit by feeding the child inappropriate foods, and by vanishing with the kid every chance she gets. She finds an insanely large amount of reasons to flee the room with my kid in arms. So annoying.

Although obviously the Neice/SIL story stays in my mind all the time, especially since She puts all the blame on SIL sending dear Niece to SPY on her talking with her daughter. She didn't innocently overhear and go ask mommy why aunty was saying mean things.. no no.. the 7 year old was a spy. Sure. That makes perfect sense. Blame the Hannah Montana obsessing 7 year old.

I know, dear peeps, the MIL rants are old, but DH is feeling so good about a 'good' visit with his mother, that I don't want to spoil his evening by going off on him about promising sleepovers, potential death by giant whole grape and demands of babysitting. So, since I'm *trying* to give the guy a break, you guys get the brunt. Sorry.

Friday the 13th the Second can bite my Canadian Ass

So thursday was lovely and warm, things were melting and the sun was shining. The weather forecast for the weekend was perfect, highs of 13 lows of 5. Wonderful.

Instead, friday morning I woke up to this:

Which was rather depressing, so I was all, whatevs lets watch some cartoons BabyBug. But the satellite gave me this message:

And the little light on the receiver was red which means that either my dish is covered in a foot of snow, or it just can't receive the signal from the satellite through the shitloads of white stuff floating in the clouds.

But hey, that's okay. Because we still have DVD's.

This is how we do it.

So I got a call yesterday from a guy who is organizing the housing arrangements for the new institution guards that will be coming to town, he wanted details on the room we're letting (it's half of a basement damnit! Clearly far superior to a piddly bedroom!) and informed me that they will not be arriving until Mid May. Oh dear. Mid May is rather far away.

Guy on the phone was wondering if we would still have it available then, and I told him I hoped we would have someone here by then, but to keep us on the list and give us a call later on as who knows what will happen.

Sigh.

I am on the job hunt. Out of the crappy jobs available I have decided to try and get on at a sort of Hotel/Apt Building hybrid as a housekeeper. I detest cleaning, it will deny me the one thing I really wanted to get out of getting a job other then money (socialization with real live people), but it pays $15 an hour. And since I don't want to work more then 4 days a week I need a job with a much higher rate then say... waitressing.

I know they're hiring, their add is posted at the local Jobstart place. I tried to give them my resume yesterday but the front desk manager was mysteriously absent, the phone was ringing, I called hello.. and waited.. and dinged the bell.. and waited... repeat. No one around so I left and will try again tomorrow.

Today DaddyBug went to visit his mother after work as she's sick with the flu (again). They're worried about us, keep inquiring how things are going. He let it slip that I'm on the job hunt. No big deal obviously she was going to find out eventually, it isn't as if I'm going to sit at home while the bank takes the Suzuki away.

She offered to babysit if I need her to. Give me a minute. BAHAHAHAHA. Um, no. Hell to the No.

Eventually she'll ask me, and I already know what I'm going to say 'Thankyou for the offer but it's already been taken care of."

Irony.

There is a movie on tv right now, about an Indian family living in Canada, the main character has the same name as DaddyBug. In the movie this guy fell in love with *gasp* a WHITE girl!! And his Mommy Dearest has a panic attack and says many mean things about those horrible white people in general.

Deja Vu?

My MIL also likes to say things about 'those people'. She's been in Canada for 26 years and still talks about us white folks as 'those people'.   As in "well you know how those people are regarding _______". Babies before marriage, divorce, premarital sex, low income.. pretty much anything you can think of has nothing to do with the families and the individual people themselves, it can all be lumped into one simple phrase... "Those people." 

One of her biggest freak-outs when we told her we were pregnant was because people in town were going to think badly of her and we were going to embarrass her. And we must get married right now!  Because it's fine for 'those people' to have babies without being married, but they're better then 'those people'.

That's a direct quote out of MIL's mouth passed on to me via DaddyBug peeps.

For the record, noone in town batted an eye.

She also likes to go off on tangents about 'The Chinese, and The Koreans" because according to her, every single person of those race's are out to rip you off. 

And I'm always the disrespectful DIL (or Daughter Out of Law really lol) and make a comment along the lines of "not everyone in ______ minority group fits a freaking stereotype!!!) and she lets it fall off like water by saying "well no, but most of them.)

So I guess I can feel a little mollified that her racism and bigotry is spread around the board to most groups that simply arn't Indian. But I still find it disgusting. 

Now I realize as a white girl living in Canada I'm treading a turbulent river by even daring to call out other people for racism, but I am consistently baffled on why it is considered OK for someone in a minority group to bash people in a different minority group. And unfortunately such bigotry has seeped into DaddyBug's subconscious, as he's been known to make snap racist judgments on people too. It's a constant source of contention for us. 

So between snarking at my Dad's family for their derogative comments (If I hear my dad say the word 'chink' one more time... *head explodes*), snarking at DaddyBug.. and occasionally snipping at MIL, I am a busy busy grasshopper some days. 

And a cranky grasshopper, because such talk pisses me off.  And it stresses me out, because I am the mother of a bi-racial child, and every time I hear MIL make rude comments about 'those people' I think of how this is going to affect my daughter, because half of her family is 'those people' , SHE is half white.  I don't want her feeling like she has to deny her white family when she's around MIL, I want my daughter to accept and be happy with the fact that she is indian.. AND she is white. But irregardless, what she is primarily is just.. Canadian. I know from my research that bi-racial children tread a fine line in their lives about knowing where to belong, are they this.. or are they that.. and is it okay to be both without betraying either? 

It does not need to be made worse by my little girl having it in her head that "MIL will only love me if I try to be as Indian as possible". Someday.. I will have to sit MIL and have a chat about that, because if she is going to be a toxic influence on my daughter's self image.. she will be cut out. 

I hope someday that we can all just be Canadian.. or American.. and drop this division amongst ourselves.  Oh how i hope. But until then I'll continue being a little grasshopper on shoulders, poking and proding, and trying to raise my daughter to the best of my ability.

Woo VDay Feel the Commercialism Peeps!

So guess what day it is tomorrow? Hope you've bought your required and unromantic yearly gesture of consumerism.  Or.. follow the demands of the DeBeers Commercial and buy DIAMONDS. Remember your wife will only love you with yearly expensive gifts.

I'm just guessing, but somehow I think that VDay gifts this year are going to be a lot more along the lines of say.. dinner.. or a box of chocolates a la Forrest Gump. 

I know that I'm getting a card because D.B mysteriously vanished uptown in the Suzuki while BabyBug and I were showing. Probably shouldn't spend 5 bucks on a card right now.. but eh.. he's just trying to be sweet, he knows I'm a little sad that we can't go to the event at the lounge. 

A Girls entitled to a little pouting though, the event involved a dinner (appy, main course, dessert) and entertainment! 40 minutes of standup comedy, something lame during intermission, and then a 1 hour adult magic show!  The child in me still gets all excited thinking 'oooo illusions!' But the tickets are 40 dollars a plate. So we are staying home tomorrow. 

Having VDay with the family yo. D.B is cooking dinner, which is a very cool and rare event. He's even a great cook to boot. So I feel lucky. I'm thinking of doing something extra nice for him, involving a certain red silk lingerie I own and the fireplace downstairs.. the inner cynic in my head cringes and says "Noooo C.G you foolish woman that's playing right into the goddamn VDay stereotypes!!" But yaknow, sometimes being a little bit cliche once in a while is okay, especially when it's all in good fun.

The Curried Half of the Equation..

The MIL is angry that we refused her order to go visit FIL at the hospital yesterday.  In her world it is perfectly acceptable to call up your adult children and order them to do things or go places. It's been a continuous problem. I thought that things were turning around after we made a few comments (gentle teasing..) of are you asking or telling?? But it seems she has reverted to her old and wretched ways. 

She also keeps showing up at my house unannounced.  This drives me batty. She is completely thick and will not take all of the millions of hints I have given about how we would really appreciate a fucking phone call before coming over. 

I am a big reader of a certain Dealing With The Inlaws forum. They preach tough love on those forums, and would hand me my ass on a platter with a big giant can of coward on the side.

These ladies would tell me: Confront your MIL. If she shows up unannounced do not let her in. Explain to her in a sit down that under no circumstances is she to tell or demand that we do anything. 

I just wish I knew how much of our problems stem from cultural differences and how much is just standard MIL crap. I do know that in India you pretty much do what your MIL wants, elder respect and all that shit. But Hello.. this is Canada, welcome, bonjour! You've lived here almost 30 years!  Your son picked a white girl!  

She had such a full on hate of me for so long, and I was so determined to 'get along' that I have pretty much never properly stood up to her. And after years of being with DaddyBug it's become a very destructive habit to try and avoid causing waves with her.  She is so used to ordering everyone around and getting her own way that when she is thwarted she resorts instantly to tears and sulking. 

I know that I need to grow some balls and have a talk with her. But how do you sit down and basically attack someone on many things they do while they are still dealing with the continuing intense care of their husband who is still in the hospital and has been through hell and back over the last 8 months??? 

Either way.. I never used to be a doormat and I need to stop acting like one before it becomes a habit in the rest of my life. 

Someone.. just lend me a pair for a day or two?

A giggle a day..

As both of her parents are getting frazzled and stressed from the current situation, Baby Bug is unaware of the politics going on in the house and is continuing to be her sweet radiant self. She tackles us with giggles and teases us with shrieks and squeals of delight as we play and cavort through the thickening air.  She trots over to me and with a toss of her arms demands "Mup!" which Daddybug realized is a cute blend of Mum and Up.  

Just when we are about to become too mired in the practicalities of finding a way to ride this storm out, BabyBug busts into the moment and distracting us fills our thoughts with grins of delight, cherishing this sweet little person. It's such a contradiction, we are stressing more because now we have BabyBug to worry about, but at the same time she absolutely prevents us from focusing on the bad all the time. 

We are formulating a plan, and looking into our options. I am seeking out cheap menu ideas while I challenge myself to see what I can do with the ingredients in the house with very minimal spending to supplement.  We may take on a border for a while. I may get a job. 

It'll work out. Always does.